THE LUXURY AND IMPETUS TO JUDGE
Someone complained to me recently about the unrelenting expectations from his family;
ending with “it’s not easy being me”. I found that comment very peculiar, because it
is not easy being anybody in this world; although some people think they have things harder than others do. Being
a human being, and many different things in varying scenarios, to different people, is tough for all of us. Actors
who play other people can attest to that fact.
As humans, we all have the same basic desire to attain that level in life, where we can just be relaxed, in tune
with nature; doing whatever pleases our fancies, whenever we choose. We all crave to have total control
of our time and activities. How we each perceive life, is a relative thing. Oprah has
the world, but to her, the recent problems with her school; are the worse things that can happen to her. Martha
Stewart and Paris Hilton thought life could not get any worse, when they were sentenced to prison.
To each one, his own issues with life. Different
as they may be; when it comes to issues, we all have them. Imagine what goes on, in the minds of millions of inmates (from
poor backgrounds, with lousy court appointed lawyers who set them up because they needed to make deals with the State Attorney’s
office to compromise another case). Imagine those who have no one to tell their stories or visit them;
or more importantly have no home and job to go back to.
Oftentimes, we mock people and make light of their issues, if we cannot relate to it. What really gives
us the impetus to judge people and declare their fate? A rich housewife who is so perturbed about which gown to wear to the
next premier party; that she becomes a nervous wreck; has a valid issue for her life. The Policeman’s
wife had a valid issue as well; when she decided to commit bank robbery, instead of loosing her home in Florida. To each of
these individuals, her problem was monumental, but we judge and make a mockery of each situation that concerns others.
We all have the same ability
to be mean to each other on occasion; however, we must all strive to make the propensity so much less; that our good capacities
almost completely outshine such ugly streaks. We can achieve that; by endeavoring to always check ourselves;
before we act or comment on events around us. We must not punish others for our lack or lousy luck; if
and when we have to judge. We must do things with only good intentions; even when we completely disagree
with others.
It is almost impossible not
to judge others, because every interaction we have with each other; calls for assessments. We have to judge
other people’s actions, reactions and utterances; to formulate our own actions and reactions. For
the most part, these are done inconspicuously; without being verbalized. We pass judgment on each other,
when we make running commentaries about other people’s lives, and behaviors without giving our own actions much consideration.
Part of the problem is that,
we are so distracted by so many elements in life that; we do not always consider the other person’s feelings or perspectives
when we judge. A teenage boy who did not say “thank you” to his mom on the way to school, appeared
rude to the mom; and she went off on him, catching him unawares and upsetting him. He did not mean to be
rude; but was rather consumed with an impending test a few minutes off.
After he apologized, the mother spent the better
part of the morning upset, for jumping to conclusion and overreacting. She in turn, was actually bothered
about her upcoming court case, which made her frustration manifest in a regrettable outburst. The good
thing was that, she aired it with her son and he explained himself. Most times, people do not take the
time to call each other to order, and they may each go off upset with the other person’s behavior. This
can lead to scandalizing the other person, when we discuss how poorly we perceived their actions.
Some times, it comes out in more vicious and damaging
ways, when we take our frustrations out on innocent victims. People usually do not judge themselves.
It is easier and more fun to pass judgment on other people; and poke fun at them (Britney, Lohan, Paris etc) for their
perceived privileges. Granted that some people seek negative attention; but that is clearly because they
are lacking positive ones.
For
such people therefore, any type of attention is better than being ordinary and ignored. There is something
wrong with the critics and the general public salivating for the downfall of others? For this reason, I
choose to think that whenever people hurt me, it is not really intentional; but only consequential to their attempts, to reach
their own personal ulterior goals. So, it has absolutely nothing to do with me personally; but is purely incidental occurrences.
Of course, I do grasp the concept
of evil beings (n human forms); that only seem to exist, for the sole purposes of invoking more evil on earth. I refuse to
expend energy to focus on those negative elements. I also feel they are such a minority group of people.
Positively fulfilled people always radiate love; to light others up with good vibrations.
When we are negative, we also encourage negative
energies which come back to us in vicious circles. It is hard not to judge; but it is easy to choose to be nice when we judge
others. We should only give constructive criticisms, with corrective measures; otherwise we should keep our opinions to ourselves.
Although it is easy to find negative things, to judge others on; it is equally easy to find good things to compliment
them on when we really want to. We must continue to strive to do the right things most of the time.
Chidi Asika-Enahoro
Rehabilitation Consultant, Speaker, Talk Show
Host, Empowerment Trainer & Author
